Sunday, February 4, 2018

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255

Monday, October 9, 2017

Tolerance~ An English term paper, written by My Daughter Jewelia aka Raven


    Being tolerant is the most important rule in life when searching for peace. You must learn to accept the things you can not change and enjoy the ride to finding peace and tranquility in your life. Each individual must learn to tolerate the things life throws at them in order to keep moving forward and grow stronger from life lessons.
    As a person gets old there are many things that you will encounter that you must move on from and forget. There are many things in life that will happen to you that you will never receive an apology or explanation for; moving on from these things and accepting them for what they are is called tolerance. Collecting all of the sources needed to build this paper was challenging because the word tolerance can not be defined by a single definition. The word tolerance is an abstract noun, which means that the word is intangible. Tolerance is something that everyone will stumble upon numerous times in life, but we can not see it or touch it, many people would have trouble even defining it because it could mean something different to everyone who encounters it. For example, tolerance could have a stronger definition with someone who has experienced numerous deaths, or many things that are out of that person's control. On the other hand, someone who has had their entire life handed to them may have a very difficult time defining tolerance because they have never had to accept something major that will later on have a big impact on their life.
    The word tolerance roots from the early 15th century. On the Online Etymology Dictionary I discovered that the word's original meaning was “endurance or fortitude in the face of pain, hardship etc from Old French” (Harper). The word also roots from the Latin word tolerare which means “ to bear, endure, tolerate”  (Harper). in a general sense. Although when the word is associated with a single individual it is given the definition of a “tendency to be free from bigotry or severity in judging other” (Harper). The word tolerance takes up two full pages of definitions in the Random House Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary (2nd Edition). The word tolerance and all the words associated with it such as: tolerable, tolerancy, tolerant, tolerate, intolerable, etc. are all present in the dictionary and all of which have numerous definitions. Tolerance is an abstract noun so like many other words, there is not just one single definition. In the Random House Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary (2nd Edition) the word tolerable is first defined as “capable of being borne or endured, supportable, either physically or mentally, capable of enduring pain and suffering permitted.” (Random House). In the Webster’s New World Dictionary the word tolerate is defined as “[letting] something be done or go on without trying to stop it” (Guralnik). Life is all a waiting game, and you determine the cards that you are dealt in life. You are the director of your own path and you decide what you tolerate. In other words, you decide what you put up with in life, you decide when enough is enough, you are the only one in charge of the people you let yourself come in contact with. Life is all about peace, patience, and tolerance; without these things people are zombies because they are no different from everybody else. Without decision making, deep down every human would be the same. Having patience and having tolerance come hand in hand, which is why patience is the top synonym for the word tolerance.

Synonyms for tolerance

noun fortitude, grit

Antonyms for tolerance

(Rodger’s 21st Century Thesaurus).
In the view of Egal Bohen if we are angry at mankind we are truly only at was withouselves. He describes that when we blame our problems on the world, we are choosing to be closed minded and one way with out actions and thoughts. If we choose not to be tolerant with other people than that creates a battle within yourself. However, if we decide to look at people with an open mind and realize that everybody has sins and problems we can see the love within others and free ourselves from the inflicted war.
Tolerance by: Egal Bohen
“When we are angry at mankind
Or rave at some depravity of mind
When we would curse behaviour of a kind
To argue, rather than to view benign
It is with our own self we battle wage
When choosing not to understand, nor to engage
With that from which we isolate our self
With anger sent, to where, perhaps is needed help
Lest fearful, reason may just find the time
With tenderness, to enter in our mind.
And so it is perhaps from loss of our own face
We are so quick to shout of their disgrace
But we should not lose sight of our own sins
Though, in different colours dressed, appear they in
For is not all, of nature in this life?
The good, the bad, together, love, and strife
As nature, this is how such things will be
So it is not how loud we shout, but what we see
And seeing do, to help, to liberate
To free with tolerance, not shut the gate
That is
How it should be”

Bohen describes that even though we are “[dressed in different colors]” (Bohen). we are all cut from the same cloth. We are all human and all of us make mistakes and sin. However, once judgemental people realize this it becomes easier to view everybody as the same. All humans are equal, no one is better than another. We will be less fearful and more accepting and loving of each other if we come to terms with the fact that we are all the same.
    William Shakespeare is widely regarded as the best writer in the English language. Shakespeare used the word intolerable in his classic comedy The Taming of the Shrew. Shakespeare is known to use complex words in his work and many of these words have different definitions in present day. The word intolerable is used in The Taming of the Shrew with the definition of “excessively, exceedingly, extremely.” (Shakespeare). However, in the present day unabridged dictionary the word intolerable is defined as being “too painful, cruel, to bear.” (Random House). Overtime the definition of the words that Shakespeare used has changed.  Shakespeare's plays and books have also been republished in modern text so that his works are easier to understand.
Original Text:
Petruchio, since we are stepped thus far in,
I will continue that I broached in jest.
I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife
With wealth enough, and young and beauteous,
Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman.
Her only fault, and that is faults enough,
Is that she is intolerable curst,
And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure
That, were my state far worser than it is,
I would not wed her for a mine of gold.
Hortensio, peace. Thou know’st not gold’s effect.
Tell me her father’s name, and ’tis enough;
For I will board her, though she chide as loud
As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.
Her father is Baptista Minola,
An affable and courteous gentleman.
Her name is Katherina Minola,
Renowned in Padua for her scolding tongue.

Modern Text:
Petruchio, since the conversation’s gone this far, I may as well carry on with what I mentioned purely as a joke. I can help you find a wife who’s rich, young, beautiful, and reared in a manner fit for a gentlewoman. Her only flaw—and it’s a big one—is that she’s unbearable, a total witch, so much so that I wouldn’t think of marrying her myself, not even if I were in a worse fix than I am, not for a whole goldmine.
Hush, Hortensio. You don’t know what money can buy. Tell me her father’s name—that’s all I need. I will go after her even if her scolding is as deafening as thunder in an autumn rainstorm.
Her father is Baptista Minola, a pleasant and courteous gentleman. Her name is Katherina Minola, famous throughout Padua for her scolding tongue.

In The Taming of the Shrew the character Hortensio is discussing Katherina Minola to the character Petruchio. Petruchio wishes to marry Katherina but Hortensio tells him that she is “intolerable curst” and that asking for her hand in marriage would not be good for him. Even though Katherina is a rich woman she is described as being a witch and Hortensio says that she is so unbearable that not even he would marry her.
The word tolerance is most commonly associated with the tolerance we have for other people. For example, someone might say that they can’t stand somebody or that they have zero tolerance for another person. Throughout life we encounter a lot of people that we wish we never meant or did not have to deal with on a day to day basis. Many people dislike their bosses at work, some students dislike their teachers, and I am sure that some teachers also dislike their students. Regardless of how we all feel about each other, we need to earn to tolerate the people we are around everyday like the way God tolerates all of us. In Common English Bible in the chapter of Romans a conversation unfolds regarding the Jews. The apostle Paul describes to the Romans in the chapter that nobody has a right to put down another because God loves and tolerates us all as individuals despite the fact that we have sinned.
3 If you judge those who do these kinds of things while you do the same things yourself, think about this: Do you believe that you will escape God’s judgment? 4 Or do you have contempt for the riches of God’s generosity, tolerance, and patience? Don’t you realize that God’s kindness is supposed to lead you to change your heart and life? 5 You are storing up wrath for yourself because of your stubbornness and your heart that refuses to change. God’s just judgment will be revealed on the day of wrath. (Romans 2: 3-5).
Paul describes that God has generosity, tolerance, and patience for everybody one Earth and that we should all have the same respect for ourselves and others that we encounter. It is told that no one will be able to escape God's’ judgement when we die, so do what is right in the life that you are given.
    Through the process of the project I found an article that was published in 2011 about Bullies making a workplace intolerable. The article was written by Jim Jordan, a motivational speaker and business adviser, who describes “how bullying can be as harmful in the workplace as it is in schools and other areas of society.” (Jordan). I choose this specific article because it goes along with what I was previously saying about the world being easier if we could all tolerate each other. Bullying is wrong regardless of the age, place, etc because bullies “can contribute to high stress levels, loss of productivity, and serious incidents of violence or harassment could result in criminal changes.” (Jordan). In the article that I have found Jim Jordan did some research on the topic and found that one in six employees has been bullied in Ontario, Canada. A woman named Ana Nair was interviewed in the article and she says that despite such anti-bullying law, many companies will not admit that bullying exists. Ms. Nair admitted that she was once bullied on job and went before human resource officials seeking assistance. Instead of getting help she was told to suck it up and was offered a package to leave the company or to transfer to another branch. Ms. Nair explains that “when you go to work and you’re bullied, it wears you out mentally and physically; it affects your mind, body, and soul.” (Jordan). Bullying should be illegal and laws should be enforced stronger than they are so that workplaces should no longer be intolerable. If the bully in this situation had a problem with Ms. Nair then he should have been adult enough to tolerate her in his workplace, and if not then he should have transferred to a different branch of work. God is able to tolerate all of us even though we have sinned, so we should be able to all have tolerance for each other regardless of age, our skin color, our gender, etc.
Many years ago a friend of mine had a very in depth conversation about accepting the things in life in order to be one with peace. Ricky Olson and I met 8 years ago and over time became the best of friends despite him being a whole decade older than me. Ricky Olson is now the guitar player in a metal band that goes by the name of Motionless in White from Scranton, Pennsylvania. With every problem that I encounter I go to Ricky for advice. He is an old soul and always finds the right words to say to pick someone back up. 2 years ago a girl named Annabelle wrote a letter to him seeking advice from a depressive state that she found herself being in and he replied to her with a letter. I had him send me what he had said to her because his words also picked me up from darkness that I was experiencing. He tells a whole story all while delivering advice to someone, and his words are ever moving.

“I’ve been getting a lot of messages recently regarding people’s personal issues with depression, suicide, and deaths of friends or loved ones, and needing help and/or advice. Just a warning, I might get too involved in this, and it could become quite lengthy. Also, it won't all make sense to everyone, but bare with me here.

Just about every “problem” people have are based on time. Past, and future. If they aren’t stuck in the past, they’re too busy living in a future circumstance.

When your mind is consistently associating with the past, you are letting yourself connect to pain. By processing guilt, pride, resentment, anger, regret, or any feelings like these, you reinforce a false sense of self. You are not these things. As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot become free from it. Subconsciously, you will resist any attempt you make to heal because your sense of self is invested in feelings of the past. The suffering has become an essential part of who you are by trying to retain the false image of yourself that has been created. As long as your sense of self is invested in your emotions, you will unconsciously resist healing. The only way to overcome this hurdle is to make it conscious. When the realization of your attachment comes to light, you begin to unravel the knot you’ve initially tied.

On the other hand, when you’re too busy getting to the future, the present moment suddenly becomes a just a means of getting there. Every task you take becomes unbearable and cumbersome because of your unwillingness to accept the current situation for what it is. People are always waiting for this or that to make them happy.I’ll be happy once I have ____ in my life. I’ll be happy once I achieve _____. Any thoughts such as these are anticipating something you can’t possibly guarantee, and puts yourself in a state of mind that says, “I’m not happy until my life gets to this point.” Everything you do every single day is suddenly meaningless because you want the future, not the present. Waiting is a state of mind, and every type of waiting creates an unconscious inner conflict between the present and the projection of the future you want. Similarly, “what if” thoughts create a projection of yourself into an imaginary future situation which, in turn, creates fear. There isn’t a way to cope with this situation because it doesn’t exist. You can never cope with the future. “The answer, strength, action you need to take will be there when the situation arises and you need it.”

It’s good to have goals in life to give yourself direction, but the only way to truly get where you want to be is step by step right now. When a decision is to be made, make it when it’s necessary. Realistically, the future doesn’t exist, and the past is gone. I think people forget that the only time we EVER have, is right now. This particular moment. We’ve been conditioned to use the past as a scapegoat for our current actions, and to look at the future with anticipation and fear. The only thing that realistically matters is the present.

People say life is a series of moments. If we cannot learn to “die to the past every moment,” we cannot possibly tread with the grain of the universe.

Refusing to go with the flow of life will bring sorrow and heartache. When you cut off your relationship with good things in your life that have diminished, you can grow. It’s a cycle. Clinging to a good thing that used to be and resisting the change in life will bring “failure” in some area. When you realize that everything is impermanent and let good and bad things come and go, you’re allowing the universe to work without rubbing against the grain. Offering no resistance to life will let you be in a state of ease without being dependent on things being or ending up a certain way, whether it be “good” or “bad”.

If you’re wondering what your purpose in life is, sit back and think about it for a moment. If only the present moment matters, your purpose in life at this particular time would be sitting there, reading this. If you’re taking a shower, your purpose would be just that. To have purpose and to have direction are two completely different things. Having a purpose is, again, a state of mind. You don’t need anything. Once you become one with your inner state of being, external situations are far more joyous than anything you can imagine. Simply watching clouds pass is pure ecstasy, in the right state of mind.*

Contrary to what we’ve been conditioned to believe, you are not “you”. For example, I am not Ricky, and I do not play in a band. This is only what external situations have claimed me to be. I am the inner consciousness that watches the bag of bones that you know as Ricky. I am simply a viewer. A conscious being sitting back, watching the thoughts and decisions being made. Same goes for everyone. It’s confusing at first, I know. But the realization is profound.*

To go a step further, take a conscious breath. For a split second, you become free of any thought, and just are. This is your being in it’s most pure form. With practice, be it meditation, or just constantly trying to be in a state of “no-mind”, it becomes easier to access this state for longer periods. For me personally, my head feels heavier and expanded in this state. It’s difficult to explain, but once you get that feeling it’s impossible to forget it.*

Something I struggled with for a long time was to not try to force a future outcome, no matter how bad I wanted it to happen. I wasn't able to tolerate my life the way it was because I was so eager to find change. For years, I tried to make music my full time job. Band after band, things kept falling through. It seemed impossible at the time for me to create anything the way I envisioned it, and no matter what happened, I wouldn’t let it go. My persistence was almost too much. I lived and breathed music. When bands stopped working, and I couldn’t find willing and dedicated members, I started creating everything myself. I didn’t have any other choice. I felt like if there was any way I was going to “make it”, I would have to do it myself. Almost every night I would lay in bed for hours just staring at the ceiling envisioning myself playing a show with people I didn’t know, and the feeling of setting up equipment and meeting new people. I lived for those moments before I’d go to sleep when I could almost be where I wanted, in a made up circumstance in my mind. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep because it was the only thing I ever wanted, and it just wasn’t working out in my favor.*

When I was in college, I started working with a friend at a local ice cream shop. The manager there taught me more than I could ever even understand. I would talk to her every day, and she always had the perfect insight to my problems. She always told me to “be patient”, and that “you can’t force something that you don’t have control over. The more you push, the worse you’re going to feel because things aren’t happening ‘quick enough’. You know where you want to be. Enjoy the process of getting there.” To me, this last part made no sense. How could I enjoy all the struggling and heartache that I was going through to get where I wanted to be? Of course I didn’t know how to listen, because I didn’t know what just “being” meant. It was a riddle to me. And the only thing I cared about was making music. Everything was a means of getting to where I wanted to be.Thus, creating constant conflict in my life.*

Months later, I ended up going on tour for three months doing merch for a local band from my area. I was more than ecstatic. It felt like even if I wasn’t playing music, I could get in the groove of traveling and learn the ropes. Maybe meet connections to people who needed a new addition to their band. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Those three months were the worst ninety days of my life. Sure, I was getting paid each week, but there’s only so much emotional torment people can put me through. I got **** every day for not pushing sales hard enough. For not talking enough. For them selling four shirts because they were on a tour that wasn’t even close to their style of music. I drank almost every night. To pass the time, and to cope with the unnecessary garbage I had to deal with. I left as a hopeful guy with all of the possibilities in the world, and came home a broken, heartless shell of my former self. For two months afterward I didn’t do anything. I slept and drank.*

Then one night a couple months later, on my sister’s eighteenth birthday, I tried to kill myself. A combination of years living in the past, the only thing I wanted not happening, and constant pressure of making something of myself all boiled down to that one night. If I wasn’t drunk, I would’ve remembered: down the street, not across the road. I remember going into my sister’s room, and just collapsing on her bed while she was sleeping. Sticky red flowing down my left arm, staining her white comforter, and dripping on the carpet. After that, I can’t exactly remember what happened. I was sort of in and out of consciousness, a cross between too drunk and shock. Pieces are still there: My dad asking me what happened. I’m crying and yelling about killing myself, and trying to throw up all at the same time. Someone wrapping my arm in a towel to keep the blood from dripping on the living room carpet. Someone carrying me to a car, and then being at the hospital having my arm stitched. They said my blood alcohol level was two and a half times the legal limit. And then they said I needed to go to some sort of psychiatric counseling to evaluate my mental state. This was the last time I drank alcohol.

I went to my counselor for maybe a month and a half of sessions that only helped me realize that I wanted my dad and I to have a better relationship. I was still stuck in the bind of my musical endeavors.*

And then Motionless In White came to Seattle on tour. That’s when we met, and things all started in their snowball to my being in the band. Funny how things work.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m the most optimistic person I know- sometimes to a fault. It took so much unnecessary suffering for me to finally accept that the past is the past. I didn’t truly start “living” until this last September. Even after everything that happened, and getting to where I wanted to be, it took me over a whole other year to come to realize who I really am and what it means to truly be.

The point of all my story was that I had already subconsciously set my future in motion by emotionally investing myself into what I wanted- I had brought the opening in the band to me. The suffering and heartache was completely unnecessary.*

The law of attraction is a pretty interesting thing. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I’d used this law to subconsciously bring everything I have into my life. It’s no secret. People do it all the time. This is why being in control of your thoughts is so important. Whatever you think most about, whether it is “good” or “bad” manifests itself into reality. You create the world you live in.*

Don’t believe me? Think about everything in your life, and then think about everything (good or bad) that consciously, and maybe subconsciously, occupies your thoughts throughout each day. The connection is unmistakable.

“If you look for being in any other state than the one you are currently in, you are setting up inner conflict and resistance.”

“Become transparent to the external cause of a negative reaction.”

“It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly. Things, people, or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you with no struggle or effort on your part, and you are free to enjoy and appreciate them- while they last. All those things, of course, will still pass away, cycles will come and go, but with dependency gone there is no fear of loss anymore. Life flows with ease.”

“Watch any plant or animal and let it teach you what acceptance of what is, surrender to the Now. Let it teach you Being. Let it teach you integrity- which means to be one, to be yourself, to be real. Let it teach you how to live and how to die, and how not to make living and dying into a problem.”

“When you accept what is every moment is the best moment. That is enlightenment.”

The quotes from everything I’ve just written were taken from the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend this book. It will completely open your consciousness, and change the way you’ve ever thought about life, happiness, sadness, and death.

I apologize for this post being so unorganized. It’s hard for me to condense everything on a topic that has so many different elements involved. To some people, this post will go completely over your head. Which is fine, as you probably aren’t ready to understand it yet, or don’t need it. As for the people who get it and connect with everything I’ve said, you probably brought this post to you as the help you consciously, or subconsciously, needed.

Remember, take control of your thoughts, believe in the universe to bring you what you truly want, and be ever present” (Olson).

I choose his excessively long quote to put into my excessively long essay because the words of advice given really pick me up every time I find myself getting into a slum. Having the courage and the tolerance to pick yourself up from the ground and dust yourself off is the biggest struggle in life. Although, with time it becomes easier. Finding the source online was difficult because he himself never published online. Although through the years fans of his band have passed this around in order to pick each other up from the dark place that they are in. Since then, it has been published online in numerous places in hopes that it could help other stand on their own two feet once again.
    The book that Ricky Olson discussed in his essay has been in my personal collection for years. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment is written by a German spiritual teacher named Eckhart Tolle. Tolle is known to write timeless and uncomplicated clarity of ancient masters in a simplistic form with easy to follow steps. In The Power of Now Tolle tries to teach people how to breathe a lighter air and to become connected with our own being. Tolle believed that when one lives in the moment it becomes easier to accept the things that have happened in the past and to look forward to what awaits you in the future.
“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.”  (Tolle.82).
This quote was taken from page 82 of Tolle’s The Power of Now. This quote is in the middle of the book but it defines what the message is about as a whole. Tolle describes that if you find yourself in a situation that you dislike you are the only one who can change the outcome. The biggest message of the book is that you create the path you walk on in life. Living in the present is the only way you can hold you head up high and not reflect on the past but also be prepared to take on the future. Every decision you make in life will have its consequences whether they be good or bad, but when making decisions you have to be prepared to take on the outcome. Only you can prepare yourself for what lies ahead, and you are the only one that can make yourself happy. Tolle believes ha we put ourselves in every predicament that we encounter and we are the only ones who can remove ourselves for these situations. Finding this source was simple for me because I have read this book about five times. I live by Tolle’s words and try to keep a clean head on my shoulders by not dwelling on the past too much and looking to the future with anticipation instead of fear.
    Tolerance to me, to me is a symbol of strength. As of right now, strength is the main thing I need in my life. I beat myself up too much for things that are out of my control. I need to learn how to be present and to be okay with myself. As I said before, life is like a waiting game so one day I hope to gain the strength I need. This paper was tough for me, but I eventually came to the conclusion that the whole paper is a puzzle waiting for me to piece it all together. I have been in and out of hospitals so it has been hard to focus. Although, my strength is coming back day by day but I need to “accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.” (Serenity). I need tolerance and patience to be able to pick myself and dust myself off once again. This is not the first time and certainly not the last time that life will knock me down.

Full periodical:
Bullies Can Make a Workplace Intolerable
“Have you ever been demoralized?” Jim Jordan asks the audience at one of his seminars to educate companies about workplace bullying. “You cannot motivate if you’re demoralizing someone.”
The presentation by Mr. Jordan, a motivational speaker and business adviser based in Burlington, Ont., describes how bullying can be as harmful in the workplace as it is in schools and other areas of society.
Bullying can contribute to high stress levels, absenteeism and loss of productivity, experts say. In fact, under Ontario law, serious incidents of violence or harassment could result in criminal charges, Mr. Jordan notes on his website,
In Canada, one in six employees has been bullied, according to the Ottawa-based Canada Safety Council, and employers are beginning to take steps to make bullying as unthinkable as sexual harassment or drunkenness. In addition, Ontario, Quebec and Saskatchewan have made workplace bullying illegal.
But Ana Nair, a long-term employee in Richmond Hill, Ont., and founder of the Anti Bully Support Group for employees, says that despite such laws, many companies will not admit that bullying exists.
Ms. Nair doesn’t want to name her employer – her union is still dealing with her complaints against a manager – but says in an interview that two years of fighting have been futile.
Ms. Nair and a fellow employee who also says she was bullied on the job say they appeared before human resources officials and a regional manager for meetings, but Ms. Nair says she was only told to “suck it up, buttercup.” She says she was offered a package to leave the company or a transfer to another branch.
“When you go to work and you’re bullied, it wears you out mentally and physically; it affects your mind, body and soul. It’s an inflicted mental injury,” says Ms. Nair, whose support group holds awareness seminars.
Valerie Cade, a Calgary-based motivational speaker and author of the bookBully Free at Work, says Canada is seen as a leader in attacking workplace bullying, but many companies still don’t know how to handle it.
Aaron Schat, a professor at McMaster University’s DeGroote School of Business, says bullying differs from other workplace harassment issues.
“Sometimes aggression and bullying are used interchangeably, but what’s unique about bullying is it tends to focus more on the power difference between the targets and the bully,” says Dr. Schat, who specializes in researching workplace aggression.
“Bullying can consist of repeated insults, snide comments, sneering or smirking when someone talks, spreading rumours, or ignoring or ostracizing someone,” he says.
Workplace bullies are often hard to identify, Dr. Schat says. They can be socially manipulative, targeting “weaker” employees and “kissing up to those they need to be in the good graces of at work.” Thus, an upper-level manager may say, “That person seems great to me.”
Ms. Cade encourages companies to establish a “disrespectful workplace” policy detailing behaviours a company won’t tolerate. “Then you can hold people accountable for bullying,” she says.
Those who feel they have been bullied should file a claim not just to human resources but also to higher decision-making authorities in the company, advises Ms. Cade. In addition, she says, department managers should commit their whole team to sign up for anti-bullying training led by someone with a background in organizational development and the politics of people in the workplace.
Dr. Schat says workplace bullying “reflects the nature of humans as they interact at work. It is no disgrace that it occurs in your organization. It would be rare if it did not.
“But what matters most is what owners, executives and boards do when it is brought to their attention.”
Anti-bullying tips
Dr. Schat offers these tips to companies and managers:
Build anti-bullying priorities into hiring practices: No matter how qualified someone may be at the technical level, avoid hiring those who may “completely undermine or poison the environment.”
Talk about it from the top: From the organization's highest levels, it should be made clear that bullying isn’t acceptable. Otherwise, the message sent is that it’s okay.
Sweat the small stuff: Eye-rolling and sneering at meetings is unprofessional behaviour that managers must address immediately. “The effects of bullying come from these types of indignities,” says Dr. Schat. “It could be the tip of the iceberg.”
Take bullying claims seriously: Assuming a bullying allegation is merely a conflict between two people who should sort it out between themselves “represents a misunderstanding of bullying.” It’s much more one-way and requires authoritative intervention.
Tread carefully: Take bullying allegations seriously, but don’t assume they’re true. Bullies themselves can bring an illegitimate claim against someone in hopes the organization will take action against that person. “It could be one of the techniques to undermine and marginalize someone. This type of behaviour can be pretty insidious.”
Gather evidence: Speak to workers who may have witnessed the activity.
Consider company well-being: Bullies often make it difficult for organizations to fire them, and may threaten litigation. For that reason, problem workers or managers may be ignored or shuffled to other departments. Dr. Schat says “as inconvenient as litigation may be, firing often is the wise move to prevent that poison from spreading throughout the organization.”

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